On Tuesday, December 5, 2017, porn star August Ames took her own life after an onslaught on online bullying earlier that day. I wanted to make a video in tribute to her but decide instead to share with you the story of the struggles she went through online before her death.

It was later revealed that August Ames left a suicide note before taking her own life in a public park.  According to The Blast, the Ventura County Medical Examiner revealed that the note was discovered in Ames’ car.

In the note, addressed to her family and friends, the 23-year old allegedly apologized for killing herself, but did not mention anything about the online backlash and betrayal she had been receiving after refusing to perform with a male performer who had done gay porn.

Ames, who had struggled with mental health issues, died of asphyxiation in the early hours of December 6 after hanging herself. Her body was found at 3:45 A.M. California time, in a public park 20 minutes from her home in Camarillo.

August Ames was married to porn director Kevin Moore who works for Evil Angel.  He is understandably devastated by this loss later talked about that horrific night.

That day, she and I discussed the things happening on Twitter and the individuals involved. Mercedes decided that evening to go the gym to alleviate some of the stress. She then disappeared. Fifteen minutes north of us, the fires in Santa Paula started. The winds gusted to 50 miles per hour. When I couldn’t get in touch with her, I became very worried. I went to the gym and she wasn’t there. Then the power went out in our area.

With no power, spotty cell service, and wind that made it difficult to walk or drive, I began looking for her. I called the police. I called hospitals. But with the fires and the power outage, help wasn’t coming. I cannot describe the dread I felt standing outside, in complete darkness in a wind so powerful it could push me over. I spent the night driving around trying to find her and having no idea where she could be.

The next day, the coroners contacted me. My world and her family’s world were instantly shattered.

Mercedes was magnetic. She had a kindness in her that I had never experienced before. I once had a shingles infection in my cornea that caused an erosion. I had to sit in a dark room wearing these crazy sunglasses. I was in incredible pain and couldn’t do anything. Moreso, I was horrible to be around. For those several weeks, she took care of me like no one ever. There was no one like her. No one who transformed my life in such a positive way. She made me a better person.

The night that she disappeared has played on repeat in my mind thousands of times. What could have I done different? Guilt dominates my thoughts everyday. I hate life without her. It is a cruel existence devoid of color.